TIME-OUT Discipline Technique

Recommended for children 18 months - 6 years.

I remember clearly the day my 2-year-old came home from day care, looked me sweetly in the eye, and slapped me across the face. Up until this point, we had mostly used natural consequences for unwanted behaviors (i.e. if you throw your cookie on the floor, no more cookie). When we realized that “No Hitting!” wasn’t cutting it, we explored the time-out technique. Time-out consists of immediately isolating a child in a boring place for a few minutes following unwanted behavior. The best results come when this technique is performed the same way every time and is used consistently every time your child displays an unacceptable behavior.

1. PREPARE:

• Decide which 2 or 3 behaviors will cause you to put your child in time-out and explain this to your child (ex. hitting, biting, throwing food).
• Choose a Time-Out spot: this could be a step, a chair, a corner or even a mat if you're out of the house. The place should be distraction-free and safe from harm. The goal is to give your child time to think about what happened, regroup and calm down.

2. IMPLEMENT:

• Give your child one warning: “If you throw your food again, you will go into time-out”. Your voice can be firm, but should remain calm, not angry.
• If it happens again, put her in time-out right away. Tell her what she did wrong in as few words and with as little emotion as possible. If your child will not go to the spot on her own, pick her up and carry her there. Do not give your child attention when she is in time-out.
• Set a time limit: A good rule of thumb is 1 minute of time-out for every year of your child's age. Some parents use a timer. If your child gets up, calmly put her back in time-out and restart the timer.
• Once your child has completed time-out, sit down so you’re on the same level and explain one more time why you put her there. Ask for an apology, and end time-out with a hug.
• Immediately redirect your child to an acceptable activity when timeout is over.

3. REFLECT/PREVENT:
While your child is in timeout, or later when your child is sleeping, take the time to review the sequence of events leading to timeout and determine if there is something you can do to prevent its recurrence.

• Was your child overtired or hungry?
• Were you asking too much of your child? Use Tumblon or ask your Pediatrician to understand what is developmentally appropriate for your child. Are you asking them to do something that is simply beyond their ability? Is a particular toy or activity frustrating them because it is too advanced?
• Consistency is very important: Once you make a rule or promise, stick to it. Try your best to communicate these rules to all caregivers.
• Don’t forget to talk to your child! Consistently using timeout will help to modify behavior, but it is not a replacement for talking to them about how they are feeling, especially as they get older.
• Learn from mistakes – if you are unhappy about the way you are handling your child’s bad behavior, give yourself a moment to calm down, apologize to your child and explain how you will do things differently next time.

4. REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR!
This is easy to forget but is the most important thing of all. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate reward, your praise and physical affection goes a long way. Try to be specific. Instead of saying “Thanks for being such a good boy today”, say something like “Thank you for coming right when I called you. Great listening!”

Author: Adrienne L. Davis, M.D.